Diary of a Loser
by HyperInuyasha
Summary: Read Luigi's diary of his every day life!
1. Chapter 1

_Diary of a Loser_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

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_Entry 1_

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Hello diar- I mean journal! Luigi here! I just got you... AND I CAN FINALLY EXPRESS MYSELF FREELY!

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Ow! A whole bunch of people tossed rocks at me for saying something corny! Anyway, I should really get ready. I'm joining in on a new Mario Kart Grand Prix. Well, wish me luck diary! i mean journal.

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Ahh... It's the final race and I'm in 2nd. I just need to beat King Boo. Oh I hate him... I just need to get a first place to win!

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I'm very sorry i got you soaking wet diary. You see, I was doing a race in Koopa Falls and I was in first. That's when it happened. I drove up a ramp near the finish line. However, I ran out of gas in the air, and I couldn't make it to the other side. I fell down and I looked at King Boo flying above. Then my kart hits a rock and blows up and I fall into a river, which lead me into a waterfall! And guess what? The lake at the bottom of the waterfall was filled with Nibblers! I had to hike up the mountain in terrible pain! When I got there, everyone was cheering for King Boo... AND EVERYONE LAUGHED AT ME! In fact, they're laughing at me right now for having a diary! Well, I gotta leave... before my rep gets worse. Luigi, signing off.

_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

_Entry 2_

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Hello again. I had to go to my cooking class today. Yes I have a cooking class! What is wrong with that!? Anyway, I walked all the way there, since my kart was destroyed, and I never found the remains to repair. When i got there, I was given a ticket for being late, and I was forced to pay 30 coins. That stupid greedy Zess T.. Uh oh. She's coming up. SAVE YOURSELF DIARY!

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Zess T. finally gave you back during lunch. So I'm supposed to cook Fried Mushrooms. Seems simple enough. Wait... Are you telling me I have to cook a Spicy Burger too!? Ah well. It can't be hard.

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MAN THAT WAS A BIG LIE! When I was slicing up the Mushrooms, I cut myself and some of my blood got onto the Mushrooms. Then while I was cooking the Spicy Burger, i accidently set off one of the Fire Flowers and blew up part of the room. So now I'm waiting for my grade. In this cage. Where I won't hurt anyone.

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NOOO!! I got an F, because the blood made my Mushrooms horrible, and the Fire Burger wasn't spicy enough! Also, I was given a 200 coin fine to pay for the damages to the classroom. I know! I'll just hide the ticket in you so Mario doesn't find it.

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Right now, I'm hiding. I left you open and Mario saw the ticket sticking out. I'm hiding in Mushroom City in the local Milk Bar.

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AHH!! Help! Mario is in here, and I'm hiding under my table. But I could hear footsteps. Oh crud.

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

_Entry 3_

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Okay, I'm in the hospital. Mario was so angry, he threw me off a cliff and refused to give me a Mushroom. Anyway, I'm laying in bed, eating Mashed Chomptatos while watching tv. Although this seems nice, I can't wait to get home and continue knitting! What!? I find knitting manly. Don't you back sass me diary! I'll kill you!

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Okay, I blew my chance of leaving. The Swooper doctor saw me strangling you, and he sent me to "get help". So right now, I'm sitting in the office. That's when I notice a trench coat in the corner. I got a pair of shades and I wore both of them to create the perfect disguise. So I better leave, or the Koopa who owns this will get very angry.

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I'm at the vending machine right now. I've thrown off all suspicion. Huh? Oh wait. I didn't notice this line. I guess I should get my Choco-Nutter now.

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Crud! I wasn't paying attention while I was eating and that Koopa appeared and stole back the trench coat. The hospital staff recognized me and they are still chasing me right now. Normally, I'd call for Mario, but these are good people, and heroes never hurt good people unless they are mentally insane, which they all think of me. Oh boy. There's a dead end ahead, and there is a single window. I guess I have no choice.

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I'm back in the hospital, because I forgot that I was on the 5th floor. Ooh! My soap oprea is on! Ciao!

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

_Entry 4_

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So I'm sitting at home, watching tv. That's when I find a commercial for Toad Town Public Access. It's a channel where people from Toad Town to broadcast their own shows. I want to have an exploration show so I can increase my reputation. So I better go!

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Whoo! Just in time! I managed to get the last spot. However, the Goomba I beat there kicked me in my shin. Ah well. Anyway, a Toad says that I have to prepare a pilot episode to air so it could become an official series. Hah. This will be a snap.

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Crud. Mario refused to wear green clothes and take my place in the show. He said if I needed fame, I need to get it on my own. So I quickly ran to the shop and bought as much Mushrooms as I can carry. Now I'm hiking to my destination, Shy Guy Mountains.

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This Shy Guy says that it's too dangerous to go to this side of the mountain, but I'm doing fine. In fact there is a peaceful river streaming right next to me. So I think I should have a peaceful.

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Crudsicles. While I was sleeping, I got kidnapped by a tribe of Native Guys. They say that I have to face their god. I'm so scared. Who is their god? Glooper Blooper? Donkey Kong? ...Money? So I'm sitting in a cage. Luckily, they didn't take you. Also, I'm very sorry I'm doodling in you. I'm drawing a picture of myself with a sword, standing on top of a knocked out Bowser. But even worse, the deadline is in 12 hours! And even more worse, they stole my Mushrooms! So I better rest up for the fight... Maybe I should write my will. I want all my brotherly possesions to go to Mario. I want all my weapons to go to Hammer Brother. I want my food to go to Yos- Uh oh. They want me to fight. Well, it's been nice knowing you diary.

_To be continued..._


	5. Chapter 5

_Entry 5_

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Oh boy. Their god is Petey! He says that he wants revenge. But I don't know what I did!

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Ow! He hit me in the head!

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Ow! Wait.. it's all coming back to me. I was playing baseball and I did a Super Shot on a ball. And the ball lands inside Petey's mouth! Becuase of me, he couldn't eat or talk for a week! You know, it's times like this that I wish Mario or Hammer Brother was here.

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I can't beleive it! I won! I just simply punched him, and he went down. I guess he couldn't take the old Lugi charm. I take my camera back from a Goomba who was taping the fight. I can't wait to tell Mario the news!

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When I got there, Mario and Hammer Brother was snickering. I don't know why, but I'll ignore them. I sent my tape to the studio. Now I'll be famous! So famous, I may appear in dandruff comercials! I know it doesn't sound as good as I think, but lot's of people watch those things. Everyone will know me worldwide, and Bowser may actually remember my name. I can't wait for their response!

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YOU. HAVE. GOT. TO. BE. KIDDING! Apparently, they said my video was complete rubbish. I acused them of being wrong, but then I saw the video. And I found out I had the lens cap on! That's when Mario and Hammer Brother bursts up in laughter. I ask them why they are laughing.

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They told me that they were following me the entire time. And during the fight, Hammer Brother tossed a hammer at Petey. You know, I feel like crying. And I'll probably will. So leave me alone diary, I need to go cry and eat ice cream... Sniff...

_To be continued..._


	6. Chapter 6

_Entry 6_

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So I failed my big gig, so what? I have other things to do. Anyway, I was alone, as Mario went on an adventure with Yoshi, Koopa, and Boo. That is when this idea strucks me! While they are gone, I'll throw the biggest party ever! So I tell Hammer Brother to call some of his friends. I better make some food.

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I went to the market when I got in a fight with Birdo. We were fighting over the last ice cream box in the store. So I give her the old one two and she ends up in the hospital.

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...What? You don' beleive me?

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Okay fine. I tripped over a box and I released the Bomb-Ombs inside. Who sells Bomb-Ombs at the market anyway? So I got fined again. Good thing Mario is gone. Well, time to go cook.

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I managed to prepare Star Punch, Sandwhiches, Cake, Koopa Eggs, Shy Guy Ice Cream, and a whole lot more. I cleaned myself up and I went downstairs to change my clothes. That's when I found a shocking surprise.

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Hammer Brother already started the party! Since I was still in my towel, I ran in my room, embarresed. I looked over the party. I recognized Toad, Toadette, Blooper, Peach, Daisy, Dry Bones, and Paratroopa. The other guests were Fire Bros, Boomerang Bros, and Sledge Bros. Then they began playing loud music that's enough to wake the dead. In fact, a couple of Mr. Bones rised out of the ground and joined the party. Maybe this party wasn't such a good idea after all.

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So I yelled at Hammer Brother where'd he find all these people. However, he was getting drunk on Chuckola Cola. And it's the diet kind! You know, i sometimes wonder if I'm the only sane one here. That's when I noticed part of the ceiling falling down. I looked up to see Thwomps coming in through the roof. Then Goombas jumped in through the windows. Then, the door burst open.

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The person who busted down the door was Waio. He began driving around in a motercycle with a gang of Goombas following him. I went to awnser the phone, but it said that the police was busy at the moment. When I turned, I saw that the police joined the party. This makes me wonder how all these people can fit in my house? Anyway, I began crying, as I realized that Mario may kill me if he gets home.

_To be continued..._


	7. Chapter 7

_Entry 7_

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I decided since this party is going on, I should have fun. After I poured Chuckola Cola into a glass, I heard the phone ring. The caller was Mario. He told me that he's coming back in 3 hours. This made me drop my drink, shattering the glass, which gave everyone the idea of breaking everything in the house, but that doesn't matter right now. I need to think of somthing, and fast!

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I'm currently in the closet, woring on my Poltergeist 3000. I borrowed it from E. Gadd. And with a few modifications, I could blow everyone away! Well, I have 2 hours left to go. I better hurry.

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Yes! It worked! I switched my Poltregeist 300 to the new blow setting I have added and I used it to blow everyone away, including the guy who was swinging on the chandeleir. That's when I noticed that I made a bigger mess then before. So all I have to do now is clean up the mess in an hour. It's up to you and me to clean this up.

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You're not going to help me? Jeeze, for a diary that's supposed to express your feelings, you sure are mean. You know what, I'll stuff you in my pocket. You are totally useless in my times of need.

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I'm in the closet again, but this time, I'm trying to dig up parts of the wall so I can escape. You see, I managed to clean up the place, that's when mario came home. That's when the chandeleir finally gave way, and it crushed him. So I'm inside the closet, trying to dig up a way out, while he's trying to get out. That's when i heard Mario shout and pounding sounds. Then he opened up the closet. he was not happy at all. In fact, he was literraly red in the head with blood. That's when I hit him in the head with my shovel. So this is why we are now on a bus on the road to the Bean Bean Kingdom, where I will start a truck stop and hopefully live for the rest of my life.

_To be continued..._


	8. Chapter 8

_Entry 8_

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It's been a while dear diary. I couldn't write in you because I had to go on a quest to complain to Nintendo about a new Mario & Luigi game. Anyway, I was in Peach's Castle minding my own buisness when I noticed a fruit basket. I took a fruit from it when i heard yelling. That's when I noticed a Koopa painting. I better run.

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Yet again I'm being chased, but luckily, I brought money for a train, so that Koopa won't be coming anytime soon. I went to the dinner room... when I saw the Koopa hanging on from a window. Unfortunaly, there is no sercurity. Luckily, I'm prepared. And when I mean prepared, I mean I'm going to throw you at him.

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Look, I'm sorry, but this is the circle of life, and humans beats books.

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Ow... The pain. This stinks. The Koopa got in and he used a glowing paintbrush to create a Chain Chomp. He got on it and chased me through the train. I began to fall behind and I thought I might be caught when I noticed a box of Bomb-Ombs. I toss them and it created an explosion. Unfortunatly, we were in the middle of the train and it split the train in half. The front half continued on the track when the back half crashed into a desert. Then I got beaten up and laughed at for having you. So basically, I'm stuck inside this desert until my wounds heal. I hope it heals before-

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NIGHTFALL! Wild Chain Chomps are on the lose, so I'm hiding in this cave, until then, I should go look for food for us. Anyway, bye!

--

_To be continued..._


	9. Chapter 9

_Entry 9_

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It's been a while. We've been walking for weeks. Although, I had to carry you, which is really selfish. That's when I find an abandoned kart. Judging by the handywork and the nametag, it belongs to King Boo. He's probably looking for some Koopas who turned into Dry Bones.

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Yes! That idiot left the keys in! So right now I'm driving. However the sky is getting filled with dark clouds. But that won't stop me.

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Are you saying that I'm scared? Hah! I don't get scared! In fact, I eat Boos for breakfast.

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! (runs out of ink) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I was wrong! I am scared! King Boo is chasing me through the desert with a legion of Dry Bones! Apparently, this desert was part of a Koopa war! Hopefully, I'll find civilization. Or at least someone alive.

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Hooray! I'm saved! A truck saved me! It won't be long now until I get back to the city!

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Ow... So I'm in a hospital bed. The truck was filled with every person who had gotten lost in the desert because of me. Well, at least I'm safe.

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Turns out, the doctor was the painting Koopa. So he did some painful tests on me. Luckily, I snuck out of the hospital. Although, there were some people still searching for me after that hospital episode. Anyway, I need a good night's rest. Ciao!


	10. Chapter 10

_Entry 10_

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I'm going to the mall today. I need some new shoes. My last ones blew up in a car accident. Luckily, there is a big sale today on shoes!

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When I went to try on the shoes, I got stuck in a locker. Wario grabbed me and stuffed me in there. So I'm going to use the pencil I'm writing with to try and picklock the lock. This pencil will probably break doing so, so until I get another pencil, bye.

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I've finally got out, but I have good news and bad news. The good news is I have good taste in shoes. The bad news is that I'm trapped in the mall. Aparently, the mall closed while I was in the locker. Also, to make matters worse, the store sercurity is Boos. I hate Boos. For some reason, I feel as if this is a spin off to a story series. I managed to steal a pen from a nearby clerk desk to write this. Currently, I'm heading toward the exit. So I hope we-

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Sorry diary. I dropped you earlier because I was seen by a Boo. This caused the other Boos to gather around and destroy everything looking for me. Luckily, I was hiding at the food court. The only thing that the Boos won't destroy. Nobody would destroy poor innocent food. However, when I made it to the door, I found out that I need a key to open it.

...

...

...

...

Can you get it?

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Hey! I didn't mean it! I'm just out of ideas.

....

....

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What? You say that they left the keys in the door?

...

Oh.

...

I'm sorry I misjudged you. Now let's get out of here!

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Well, something unexpected happened. There was apparently gaurd Chain Chomps set around the mall. They chased me all the way home. Well actually, this is Wario's. It was the nearest house I can hide in. Those Chain Chomps nearly killed me. Well, until I get over this traumical experience, bye!

_To be continued..._


	11. Chapter 11

_Entry 11_

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I am starting to run out of pages. This is because some pages got ripped out by a crazy wilderbeast. Yeah. I'm sorry, but I had no Keyblade to defend myself!

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Ow! You really didn't have to bite me you know. Anyway, I'm taking a vacation to Yoshter Island, a former island owned by Yoshis. But what I don't get is why they have a second island. Ah well. At least I can get some peace and quiet for once.

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Everything good so far. I got onto a boat to the island and I'm scheduled for the lunch buffet. I say that this is going to be a sweet vacation.

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This is bad. While we weren't paying attention, we crashed into an iceberg. Most of the people on the boat took a random plane off the ship. The others were apparently good swimmers, including that jerk, Koopa the Quick. As for me............ I JUST HAD TO GET DESERTED ON A RANDOM ISLAND! This island wasn't even charted on the maps! I've been here for hours and I've made a good base for me. I haven't seen ayone yet. But I need to keep my eyes open though.

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Looks like I made a new friend. When I went foraging for coconuts, I ran into a Native Shy Guy. He seemed friendly so I offered him some of my coconut. He gladly accepted. Maybe if we work together, we can find our way off of this stinking island.

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It's night time. I managed to get a catch of fish for dinner. It wasn't good without spices, but hey. I need to survive. The little guy is asleep right now. Before I went to sleep, I began construction on a raft. Hopefully, I can get it finished by tomorrow.

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Trusting that guy was a big mistake. When I woke up, I found a huge hotel in front of me! It didn't take two and two to figure out that I got tricked. Apparently, there was oil on the island. And he made sure I fell asleep so he can get it. Also, he stole my raft and cashed in the oil. And guess what? I got nothing! Well, at least I'm getting a ride home..... for 300 coins.

_To be continued...._


	12. Chapter 12

_Entry 12_

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The difference between a person and a ghost is that ghosts look away when you look at them. If it's an Eerie, that's a different story. I felt like writing this, ever since what happened to me today.

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At breakfast, my food somehow dissapeared off my plate. I figured it was a trick from Mario, but he went to a cafe. So I went to make myself more food. But I turn my back for a few seconds, and it randomly sets on fire. I knew something strange was happening. So I went on the couch, turned on the tv, and fell asleep.

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Sorry. i had to get myself a soda. Anyway, when I woke up from my nap, there was a Boo sleeping in front of me. I screamed, he screamed, and then he flew away eating my ice cream! Apparently, Boos has an addiction to ice cream. When I went into my kitchen, I found Boos eating the ice cream I had bought yesterday. I didn't want my hard earned ice cream to be eaten by Boos. So I did the smartest thing to do, hide in my room and hope I could get a call to Mario.

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Hey! Don't call me a coward! You didn't hear the rest! Anyway, my cell phone battery died. I knew I should have charged the battery. Then I tripped over a familiar vacume. I finally found out how to ruin the Boos' ice cream party. I walked into the dining room, with the Poltregeist 3000 in my hands. The Boos began floating around, screaming, desperatly to finish the ice cream they were eating. I turned on the vacume and Boos began to get sucked into it. Buckets of ice cream dropped and many Boos ran away. It was finally over. I have saved a lot of money doing this. But that's when I saw a ghost like dinosaur heading toward me. I glared at it menacingly, but it didn't stop. Then I tried to suck it up. Nothing happened. I screamed and ran away as the ghost rifled through my fridge, eating all my ice cream.

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There you have it. The story of why we don't have any ice cream. At least the Eerie is gone. But I don't think the Boos are finished with me yet....

_To be continued...._


	13. Chapter 13

_Entry 13_

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This time, I'm not going to be doing anything. I'll just sleep in the hammack, watching a portable tv. Why? Because everywhere I go, something horrible happens. This one time I went to the candy shop, I got attacked by Hyper Goombas covered in fudge. At school, my pants set on fire. So today, I'm just going to relax. And yes, you're not bothering me either.

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Well, my day is ruined. Hammer Bro came along. He was waiting to play football with Mario by the time he gets back. So while he's waiting, he's sleeping with me. Good thing he got a hammock above me. Although, he keeps dropping his hammer. Trust me, it hurts. And he keeps asking for water! I have one thing to say: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!?

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I went upstairs to relax and I locked my door. There is no way Hammer Bro will bother me now!

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I stand, corrected. He did. He was practicing with his hammer juggling, I mean, who does that!? Then his hammers flies out of the window and hits me square in the face!I was passed out. When I woke up, I found a mess of fruit everywhere. Apparently, Hammer Brother tried to make a smoothie. He's as much as a failure than me! Ah whatever. I can get this simple mess cleaned, with my Poltregeist 3000.

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You know what? I'm just going to lock myself in my room and go to sleep. He began riding on my Poltregeist like a horse and knocked things over. Not just that, it exploded, causing dust to fly everywhere and he sucked up the carpet. He also ate all of my remaining ice cream and prank called at least 1000 people! I'm not even going to bother solving this problem. Hopefully, the Panic Room Salesman would come before Mario.

_To be continued..._


	14. Chapter 14

_Entry 14_

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So, I'm almost out of paper. So I'll make the most of it by reporting findings on my telescope.

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....Oh! So you're saying I'm boring? Well have it your way! AT LEAST I HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS! THUMBS!

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Oh dear. Oh dear. I've just seen the end.... I found a huge rock in the sky. And it will hit this place in a day. IT WILL DESTROY US ALL! Oh, now you're saying I'm insane! So fine by me! Anyway, I am off to warn the town about our impending doom.

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Well, that didn't go so well. Everyone began panicking and mass destruction started, even though the meteor hasn't hit yet! And the worse part is, the news has spread to the rest of the world and if this keeps up, the world will be destroyed before the meteor destroys it! Too bad we won't be staying with our friends. Mario, Yoshi, and everyone else is at a Mario Party right now, so they don't even know what's going to happen. I feel terible, because the last thing I ever did with Mario was throw a pie in face.

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Our shelter has been built! If it's strong enough, it should protect us from the meteor! First, we have to get some food and su-

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Ha! Take that Luigi! Anyway, I'm his diary. Yes, I could talk the entire time! After we got some supplies, I declared mutiny and I threw him out of the shelter! So all this food goes to me!

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Thank you for returning to me diary. Although I'm angry you ate the food.... The entire world is here in the Mushroom Kingdom, as it's 8 hours until impending doom. They are giving each other last tidings are regrets. My friends still aren't back yet. That's when Daisy appeared. She apparently hadn't went with my other friends. Then the unexpected came. She kissed me on the lips. I then faint from the shock.

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When i woke up, everyone is in shelters. It's one hour till the end of the world. So let me write down my last regrets. I regret throwing the pie in Mario's face. I regret throwing that Shy Guy waiter out the window after he gave my steak raw. AND I REGRET EVERYTHING ELSE BAD THAT I DID!

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Well, this is good by. Only 20 minutes left. At least I ended my life with something happy. Good bye world!

P.S.: Did you write the sixth paragraph? It's not nice at all.

_To be concluded...._


	15. Chapter 15

_Entry 15_

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The time has come. I hid my head in a dirt mound. But then i discovered that it was an ant hill and I had to take my head out. However, I couldn't see the impending destruction. I think I should have a look into this.

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Get this! When I saw the meteor through my telescope, it somehow fell, and I learned that the meteor was actually a rock in my lens! Now there's just one more problem. I have to explain this to everyone. But it'll be hard, especially when Daisy kissed me and everyone told their secrets because they thought the world was ending.

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It worked! I told everyone that the meteor missed the world by a margin and ended up destroying the Shroob Planet! Everyone was cheering! They no longer thought the world would end! Everyone began leaving, but then Daisy came and kissed me again! Now there is one problem, we destroyed the city while we were panicking. How do I explain this to Mario?

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Mario and the others had came back hours later. They notice the city destroyed, but the good thing is, they don't know the cause of it. I managed to fix the house as Mario came home. He asked me what happened while he was gone. However, I was too exhausted to speak. Well, this is the last paragraph of this diary. I want to thank you for helping me all the way.

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...What's that? I have to thank the readers? What readers? Anyway, this is, the end.

_THE END_


End file.
